The Conversations We'd Never See
by fact-and-fiction
Summary: Sheldon talks. Penny talks. And the world stumbles in confusion. One-shot!


**Sheldon**

"One word to describe Penny? What kind of single-mindedness is this? Have _Homosapiens_ really come down to this mind set to simplify this world more than it already is, thus rendering future generations from exploring their potentials?"

…

"I suppose it could not be helped with the limitations of your prefrontal cortex. As accepted by the social norm, I will give a suitable answer to your insignificant enquiry. The only word to describe Penny would be Penny."

…

"Of course Penny is a word! Enlighten me, what is the purpose of my presence fulfilling out this seemingly mundane task?"

…

"Your answer has spoken for itself. I see no requirement for further elaboration."

…

"Oh Lord- the inhibited capacity of other people astounds me greatly. To convert it into a way that lesser-minded beings would understand, as I, Dr. Sheldon Lee Cooper, am one of the greatest minds of this century, although it is most likely that noun would be singular; my word should be taken that Penny is an adjective. Pun intended (weird, breathy Sheldon-like laughter)."

…

"The audacity! I did not make that up! Endless loops of ideas are swirling in my mind, ranging from the hyperbole to the calorific content in my daily amount of oatmeal; to consume time to record it all would prevent this mind from expanding to other possibilities."

…

"In that case, mark my words! Penny, adjective: could only be used to describe the enigma that is Penny Cooper, wife of Dr. Sheldon Lee Cooper. Synonymous word would be unwonted."

…

"Not _unwanted, _the word I used was unwonted, which defines atypical, unusual, scarce."

…

"_Yes,_ it is an actual word. You may refer to the latest edition of the Oxford dictionary, page 759 for the hardcover edition, page 653 for the paperback. In fact, add page 904 for specifically my edition of the dictionary, to be released in exactly 57 days. It has the word _Penny_ in it."

…

"Of course I am aware the word penny already exists! I emphasise on more consideration before you speak, thank you. Obviously, the two words would be differentiated by the significant capital for the adjective _Penny_, along with their origins and definitions."

…

"Why would she mind that I include her as an adjective? She has signed the marital contract that I could use her name in any way that I please, whether during or outside of coitus, in exchange for her freedom to buy as many shoes as she pleases to hoard within her own confined spaces."

…

"Sexual intercourse. I found that it has positive effects on my work, and could be substituted with former mundane actions required for me to, as Penny would say, 'unstuck'. I also find that an amusing play on words, as 'unravelling' or 'uncoiling' could also be an innuendo-"

…

"So soon? Very well. I thank you for inviting me here, although it is evident that you should be honoured enough of my presence."

**Penny**

"One word to describe Sheldon? Ha! There are a lot of words to choose from, but the most that comes to mind is _whacky_!"

…

"Yeah, he's a genius, so what? That doesn't make him any less whacky. I swear that-that _thing_ out there gets more whacky by the day. One time, when I poured him his cereal for breakfast, he actually said: 'Penny, my cereal is 16 grains less. It is not the significant amount for my bodily functions blah blah blah, wrong bowel movements, blah blah blah.' In the end, after I put in his 16 grains, he threw it away 'cause it's infested with my germs, he said."

…

"Yeah… well, actually, no. Although most of the time his work progresses well with his routine, there are times when he gets stuck. Being Sheldon, he wouldn't stop working on it literally for days, until he finally gets his answer. But the problem is that he's so absorbed in his work, he'll forget about eating, sleeping, and you can imagine how much that'll help with his thinking."

…

"Oh, he used to try to do normal things so that he won't think too much about it and let his brain think for itself. He tends to overthink, so breaking out of thinking, in a way, helps him think more clearly."

…

"Oh, you noticed that? (Embarrassed laughter)Yeah, I said 'used to' because he doesn't do that anymore whenever he gets stuck."

…

"Yes, his biggest 'stuck' moment was just before he came up with the idea to really prove string theory. That one lasted for two weeks. After like four days of no sleep, he'd pass out, and then wake up and think about it again, and then pass out again. It was scary, for all of us, seeing him like that."

…

"We tried everything. Drugging him, knocking him out, even called his mother on him. But he kept on going in that zombie state."

…

"Well, at that point, he really wasn't that annoying smart guy who lived across the hall to me. And it's terrifying, because for seven years, that's who he was most of the time. Seeing him like that- it felt worse than losing someone of death, cause his body was right there- yet the Sheldon I knew was not. I just wanted him back."

…

"I don't know why I did it. Anger for his unresponsiveness? Sadness for his absence? I wonder about it every day, and I still have no clue. But I know one thing: I never have and never will regret kissing him that day."

…

"Yep, I just kiss him when he gets stuck."

…

"_Yes,_ just that. Did he say otherwise?"

…

"Oh, for the love of- Sheldon!"

**Holy crap. I actually did it. My first BBT fanfic. **_**And**_** it's Shenny! Props to all the authors out there who nailed being Sheldon, because **_**damn.**_** Reading all those fanfics and watching BBT did **_**not **_**make me smart enough to speak like him. It's terrible, I know, but I tried. Anyone figured out the ellipses (…) indicated an interviewer? Yes? No? I initially planned for this to be longer, like including interviews with Leonard, Howard, Raj, etc., but I am a lazy ass person. It's nearly 1 AM. **

**TO THOSE WHO READ MY HP/PJ CROSSOVER: I'm sorry. I tried, lots of times, to get into that way of writing again, and to progress with the story, but each time, I'd end up with a crappy chapter. And I realised, maybe I stopped writing because I've grown. It's not that I've forgotten both franchises entirely. It's simply that I've moved on and my fondness has spread elsewhere (like here). I won't take it down because it's admittedly (yet selfishly) great, to have people stumble upon it long after it started. And who knows? Maybe I'll revisit that chapter of my life, sooner or later. But for now: I'm sorry, and I love you, and don't stop believing in yourself. x**


End file.
